I Need Some Mercy

尝试灌醉自己

笑得很大声

动作变得更大

微笑的弧度夸张化

把歌高唱

说话分贝加大

我很好

一直对自己说

他们叫我不要绝望

好吧

我尝试

我努力

我可以很快乐

表面上很快乐

心理上也很快乐

不让脑袋静下来

我很快乐

我很好

对自己说

说着，说着

我也开始相信我很快乐

我很坚强

真的很坚强

我还没倒下

从来没有

现在也没有

只是把歌唱着

唱得好大声

好大声

却把快乐的歌唱出泪水

我不希望你会可怜我

我也不觉得自己可怜

可悲的是

好人有好报是骗人的

我很努力

很坚强

我没有向谁乞讨同情心

真的没有

当我伤心时

我希望有人倾听

但习惯不说

人们说我坚强

好吧

我坚强下去

我很努力

很努力地笑

很努力地说

很努力地说服自己“我很好”

很努力地唱

很努力地...

很努力地坚强着

别人都把我当疯子

在背后指指点点的

你在说我，我都懂。

我已经很伤了

可以不要再中伤了吗？

我已经很努力了

不要毁了它

也许我从来也不是惹人怜的类型

我没有漂亮的脸蛋

没有让人看了想一把抱住的样子

可能我的性格根本就是和你八字相冲

但是

请记得

我也是人

我也会伤心

也许我不说

但至少不要中伤我

我就要崩溃了

很努力地笑

很努力地唱

很努力地说

我一直都很努力

努力地活着

正面地活着

微笑地活着

But Even If Wishing is A Waste Of Time

Please Be There For Me

I am Trying To Move On 

But Something Pulls Me Back Again

I am Trying To Hold On

I can Cry Myself Dry

But It Wont Help

So Now I am

Moving On...

big fish in a little pond

you think you're cooler than me?

逛着，逛着，逛到这儿了。

是怎么走到这儿的，我想我也忘了。

只是很自然地又踏进了下一个阶段。

人生充满着许多的“下一个阶段”。

你现在是在什么阶段？

挣扎着？挣脱了？还是已无法进退？

或许我不该把世界想的那么灰。

对，世界本来就不灰。

灰的是一个个操控着你我思想的心。

谁说只有自己才能主宰自己的思想，自己的灵魂？

我们都是被整个社会困着的犯人~

大部分人都想和大部分人不同。

他们希望自己是独特的，是所谓的“outstanding”。

要知道，“outstanding” 和 “awkward" 往往只有一线之差。

究竟又有若干只小猫可以真正的达到”outstanding" 这种境界？

当然，我也没有要炫耀自己的才能。

如今的我称不上是哪门子的“outstanding”，甚至沾不上边~


但是我深信。。。

Just because I'm losing
Doesn't mean I'm lost
Doesn't mean I'll stop
Doesn't mean I will cross

Just because I'm hurting
Doesn't mean I'm hurt
Doesn't mean I didn't get what I deserve
No better and no worse

I just got lost
Every river that I've tried to cross
And every door I ever tried was locked
Ooh-Oh, And I'm just waiting till the shine wears off...

You might be a big fish
In a little pond
Doesn't mean you've won
'Cause along may come
A bigger one
And you'll be lost

Every river that you tried to cross
Every gun you ever held went off
Ooh-Oh, And I'm just waiting till the firing starts
Ooh-Oh, And I'm just waiting till the shine wears off
Ooh-Oh, And I'm just waiting till the shine wears off
Ooh-Oh, And I'm just waiting till the shine wears off

*Lost by Coldplay*

谢谢每一个曾经觉得自己很“outstanding" 而在我面前耍那一丁点儿伎俩的仁兄姐妹们。

小妹如今困在窘境，有朝一日这乱世必定会兴起一股狂潮。

改朝换面的时候要到了，

瞧你得意的样子，赶快把嘴边儿的奶迹搽一搽~

姐姐不陪你玩！

幸福的孩子

对

幸福的孩子就是我

相信很多人都和我一样。。。

还是彷徨，还是不清不楚的。。。

此时，

我是一把眼泪，一把鼻涕的。。。

但是，不管了！

今天是我有生以来意义最深的母亲节

人真的很犯贱！不到紧要时刻便看不出究竟谁是真正爱你的。

以前总觉得妈妈不爱我，总是心理不平衡。

 现在的我真的无法用言语形容我究竟有多惭愧。

从获知我顺利录取进UTP后，我算不清自己哭了多少次。

突然间，家人对我的关心好像被放大了。

我就好像一棍子地被敲醒，让我觉悟自己是幸福的。

可是我就是那么没有安全感的一个人。。。

身边的人越对我关心就越提醒了我以后不会在这种关心下生活。

一切都要自己担当。。。

然后又忽然醒觉自己是多么的依赖着父母的。

他们拉着我到百货公司买这买那的。。。

妈妈拼命给我买卫生棉...==

还买了很多沐浴露

夸张的是他还想买个衣橱让我带去。。

再后来，她又怕我吃不惯哪里的食物说要给我买个电饭锅让我自己煮东西。

她顾虑的东西越多，我就越愧疚。

我怪自己那么不懂事，那么让她操心。

后来爸又说要给我买吹风筒还有熨斗。

我说随便买就可以了，反正能用就行了。

但他还是坚持要买较好的。

又是愧疚。。。

晚上时我们和外婆一起吃晚饭。

才刚到那，外婆就塞钱进我手心。

我拼命拒绝但他还是执意要给我。

我说“外婆，今天母亲节，是我要给你钱才对”

她却说“傻的，给你钱去买好的衣服穿”

天啊！又是一颗催泪弹！

我真的很幸福。。。

真的。。。

回到家时妈妈要我让她看学校的资料。

要知道，从小到大，她从来没有主动关心过我的学业，从来没签过我的考卷或成绩册。

这是第一次，真的让我感到意外。

今天下午时送了她一个手环。。。不是贵重的。。。

她说“怎么那么好死？”

对，觉得意外是应该的。。。

因为长得那么大，这是我第二次送她的礼物。。。

第一次是N年前当我还是幼稚的小学生时送的。

我真的很差劲。。

不过，我真的知道了。

我是幸福的。

无论以后有多难，我会尽力学习，决不会辜负你们的。

我会的。

我很幸福，因为有你们。

所以你们也要健健康康的。

我还要孝顺你们的！

只赢只赢！

有时候会觉得我的名字和本人的性格很贴切~

因为芷盈只喜欢赢~

今天看完了“Three Idiots" *so outdated~that was last yr movie!shame on u!*

这部Bollywood Movie 真的蛮赞的！

里面的主角的口头禅是”aal izz well" 就是all is well 的意思啦。。。

如果现实生活真的那么顺遂就好咯。

那我就不用在这儿发泄了~

戏里有个lecturer 说了那么一句话

他说 Everyone knows Neil Armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon...who was the second man who landed on the moon?anyone??

No one knows!

所以嘛。。。芷盈就凭着这个理念想在新的学习生涯里面当被人记住的那位somebody,not nobody.

祝我成功吧！

今天发现了一件事。。。

是一件困扰了我很久的事。。。

支撑我常坐的沙发的木条断了，我一直以为是自己爆肥的因素让它断掉的。。。

害我还很愧疚的说~

结果~被我发现罪魁祸首了！！！

就是我老妈的fat ass!!!

what have u done to my baby lil innocent chair?!!

how dare u torture him with ur big fat ass?!!!

imma kick u off on behalf of my petite chair Xp

So....

"Mum, could you please get off from my chair?pls~~"

狗腿盈~~

Oh ya~we bought similar hat~!

So that was news update from 只赢！

hop in!wanna take a ride?anyone?

 o hai yo!!

its been such a "GOOD" morning for meah!!

 today was my "officially-first-time-driving-on-the-road-day"

and it was good!!

my brada wanna go to school for co-cu activity so i decided to fetch him!

show off werh~

i am a P driver~~

but....

but....

haha...

i think he ll not want me to fetch him anymore~~

wee~~

my dad was sitting on the passenger seat right beside me

his hand was in "standby mode" holding on the hand brake~ ==

wad the hiao~~

he nagged me a lot!!!!

喂！红灯了！！“shu” 油！！踩Brake！！！前面有车！！慢！！！

亲爱的老爸~你以为我学车时在睡觉吗？我看得到红灯！！前面当然有车~我驾40 后面的车都要honk死我了~还要慢？！！seriously?!!wth~~

还有还有~您的女儿有点变态。。。她最喜欢转corner的时候不踩brake~

超爽的说~~

Eventually,my ego taught me a lesson~~

on the way back to my house 

some "uncertain" things happened to me

once upon a time...

there was a junction~

a very 黑金又难看的豆鼓鬼准备要从路口出来~

他踩一下油~又踩一下brake~~

我从很远就已经注意他要不要出路口了~~

最后，我那过人的智慧告诉我他打算等我过了再出~~

所以嘛。。。

我就直直驾过去咯~

mana tau?!!!!

itu abunene last minute dash out!!!

you muthafishing!!fish u fishing fish!!!!!

然后我就紧急摆stereng闪他~~

马来西亚的驾驶人真的“深高莫测”！！！

吓到我~~~

然后我又惊魂未定的继续行走~

到了红灯时，我停了下来~~

然后换first gear~~

然后绿灯亮的时候，准备行走~

我的妈妈奶奶爷爷爸爸！！

在哪么关键时刻~~竟然给我死火？！

老娘我在学车时只试过一次~~

妈妈~~

我故作镇定的再start过~

后面的车全部已经一直割过我~~还回头看看是哪个noob mati engine~

walao ye....

at the end i have to start the engine once thrice!!!to get moving!!!

我老爸yelled at me!!!

he said 踩油！！！

你没有踩哪里会start!!!

of course i didnt lose!!

i yelled back at him~

不要喊我！！我很压力！！！我有踩!!不要喊！！！

i not sure whether anyone of u been thru this kind of mad situation

But i really dislike it when he yelled at me!!

i became extremely nervous when he start yelling

then 

i met more chicake condition~~~

my dad wanna go pasar buy things 

really 好介绍~~

i live in semenyih

for those pp who live here definitely can understand my situation

the road is very narrow and jam packed with cars~~

then hor....

the climax:

there was a car from the opposite direction

then i slow down to let him/her *didnt look properly* pass lo~~

without noticing...

beside the car got a few huge stones there~~

then...

boom!!!!

crash!!!!

you know what~~

the funny thing is got one lady ran away like it is 2012~~

she thought my baby car ll hit her~~hahaha

really fish fork frog~~

wad de hiao?!!

why put stones there!!!???

why why tell me why?!!

argh!!!

my baby mini cooper sick jo~~

he needs to consult mini specialist~

the skirt patah separuh!!!

haiz~~

all those aunty uncle in the pasar staring at me~~

i was like...what?what?what the hell?!!!

dont look at me!!

it wasnt me!!!

ok fine it was me~

luckily...

after the yelling incident my dad didnt blame me

he told me 看你酱来驾车，真的有排都搞不dim!我都给你吓死~

sigh~

i feel guilty too lo~

but papa~i have a great suggestion!!

why dont you buy me a mini cooper S?!

it would be easier to drive!!!

there are the same!!Mini Cooper and Mini Cooper S!!

hahaha....不知死~

有一个目睹“案发过程”的uncle还跟我讲：“不用紧，这种事陆续有来的”

uncle 谢谢你。你还真会安慰人 ==

给你一个LIKE button

In a nutshell...

i Am a good driver!!!

agree??!!

siapa nak tumpang i punya baby mini??

be my guest!!!

hahaha....

I am on my way...to no where

God is playing a joke

Reality is so harsh

I've tried to convince myself not to quit trying 

But now i'm really desperate

Desperate for a chance

i am so naive..

Or should i say too 天真？

i thought i deserve a real fair chance

a good opportunity for me

not that i never try...i've tried

maybe its not enough...

yea it's never enough

Credit to miss joe ann

"十一个A的文凭可以拿去喂狗了“

我好喜欢这一句哦~totally match with this awkward situation now

i'm sick and tired of being sick and tired!!

you know what i mean?

i cant say " i dont give a shit " loudly cause it brings so much effect on me...and my family.

really need a GPS now to guide me to the right path

i have dream!yep yep i have one

somebody precious in my life initiates it 

so everybody around me told me i should follow my dream

Oh ya? 

now i think i better sit in front of my house staring at the sky and wait for a shooting star

or pull my eyelashes violently to make a wish

or write a wish list and put it in a glass bottle and send it to the god of sea

yea i rather do those things now

they said dont think in such way~dont be so extreme

well...u dont understand how i feel

ok ok~enough complaining...

talking bout work...

i am getting use of it and i m doing well

ya ya quite well~~

i am really smart *dont hit me ..i m getting mad cuz of those "ruthless" stuffs happening to me*

i am smart!!!!

i am a fast learner!!

i can solve problems faster than "average" pp can

i can speak out loud and clear with confidence even eng is not my mother tongue

i can mingle well with pp around me by faking my smile or just "selectively not bothering"

i can handle things cautiously 

i can think logically *but sometimes fairy tales do its job*

i can score in exam as well as in my life

i can express my feelings without hurting anybody else *but i usually choose to offend others cuz i feel more shuang*

i can be a kitten or a tiger

i am capable to complete task given within a short time

i can be a very attentive listener or a good leader

i dislike pp who buat kacau when i am serious

以上论点纯属个人发泄用途。若您不赞同，那么请拿出真凭实据证明您真的比我强，不然请不要怪我把你干掉~！

in a conclusion~i am good.

but i understand even if i am good others are better.

but still, i am good

so i deserve a fair chance

You hear me? ｆａｉｒ　chance u idiot!

i wanna study now just gimme a place to study u idiot~

working is sucks~~

still...

conclusion is:

sze yin is good

选我！选我！选我！

❤

最近过得还好。

应该算是还好。

我也不懂怎样才称得上好。

健康就好。

真的，健康就好。

前几天，婆婆去世了。

突然的，就走了。

我们都哭了。

but doctor said she still have a year to live...i think its fate.

所有人都说婆婆算很好命，是前世修来的福。

她去世时没有太多的痛苦。

其实我也不清楚，我不是她。

我没有经历他所经历的。

但至少，她让我们看到的是很安详地离去。

所以说嘛。。。

人，就是要惜福。

该做的事要尽快做。

这几天内，我看到爸爸哭了。

所以我也哭了。

我想只有我们清楚我们为何哭吧~

希望婆婆真的可以保佑我。

虽然我现在还是彷徨，无助的。

我相信您的存在。

请保佑我

Rest In Peace Grandma

May The Flower Of Early Spring Rest On Your Shelter

I Shall Wait No Longer 

Because I Care 

And I Know There Is Someone Else That Care Me Just The Way I Need It

I Cried,I Laughed

Because Of You,

My Life Has Meaning.

I Will Do My Best To Make You Proud

I Am Begging For Lord's Mercy

To Keep You With Me

To Keep You Healthy

I Know It's Not Enough

But I Am Trying

I Love You

And I Know You Love Me Too 

 ❤